Empty
by Kelsiee
Summary: It's an odd feeling, being so empty that dreams become more realistic than your own life. It's often hard to tell what is real, the dreams or the waking hours... When  I walk into the world and realise once again that he's gone. -Oneshot-


**Disclaimer: The World of Harry Potter belongs to JKR,**

bare with me everyone, I've never wrote a story like this, reviews are appreciated.  
I'm really not familiar with Hermione/Draco but this story was written for **voldyismyfather**  
This is for never failing to read my stories, from the first horribly embarrassing one-shot to the long Draco/Ginny's.  
Thank you for all your support, I know you probably had A Dramione romance in mind, but I've been wanting to write a heartache, so its two birds with one stone… I hope you like it!

**Enjoy and please review :)**

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When everything around you is spinning one way, moving without a care because they can't possibly know, and the thoughts inside you are going the other, it's hard to explain how you're feeling to anyone.

You want to curl up, let your sleeping hours become too long and your waking hours far too short, you don't want to leave the safety of your bed, as you cling to the reminders left behind. Cling to the pillows and sheets with his faint sent. Wear his abandoned t-shirt with his style and comfort. So that you can pretend maybe for a little while that he's not gone.

People in your life become more and more distant, whether it's their doing or yours. The thoughts that trap you in the world you've created become more pronounced, and reality seems to be fading. Your goals become unreachable, your dreams become untouchable and any sense of purpose begins to fall apart. It's a sad thing to lose everything you once cherished.

But when reality hits when my two best friends come crashing into my flat it's hard to remember anything else.  
I'm alone, scared, empty, my heart is locked, because the one carrying the key is gone, never to return.

But I've become very good at pretending lately. Pretending that my mind isn't occupied by terrible, horrifying things. Pretending that my heart hasn't been gauged out hundreds of times. I try to keep it together all the time. It's one of those things that can only be avoided for so long.

That's what I'm scared of. That moment that we all know is inevitable. When I walk into the world and realise once again that he's gone.

But he's not gone, he's on the front page of the Daily Prophet announcing his engagement to Pansy Parkinson.

Beaming up at the camera, with his proud smile, and looking over at the Pug faced girl in a way he once looked at me.  
We had been secret lovers for 2 years, he told me that his parents wouldn't approve and he would wait, but he loved me, and he would find a way to be with me.  
I believed him because I loved him.

It's an odd feeling, being so empty that dreams become more realistic than your own life. It's often hard to tell what is real, the dreams or the waking hours.

I began to watch as everything around me moved forward, even the things that were my doing.

Harry and Ron never failed to visit, and slowly reality began to get more clearer.

The moment my eyes open, everything changes. The raft I'm floating on goes under, the current pulls me down and I have to fight to breathe, fight to live. This current never ceases. It only becomes harder to resist. I can tread for a while, but it's draining. I feel guilty, because I'm always ready to snap. You'd think I'd get used to it, the focus necessary to continue everyday life.

It's impossibly difficult to act the way "normal" people do when every breathing moment is a struggle. I realize once and a while that my act, is often hard to keep up. It's when the thoughts of past creep up on me and change everything I thought I knew. That's when my shield begins to crack

I once helped save the world and now not even the rest of the world can save me.

I'm not quite living yet, but I'll hang on, I've got friends who will help me through anything even if they don't understand why Malfoy effects me this much.

I'm not happy, but I can get there.

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